well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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