I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
