So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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