Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
