would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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