The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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