I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
