so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
