Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
