hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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