I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
