i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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