Joe is yelling at the trees again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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