this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
