Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
