I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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