I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
