forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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