oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
