I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
