my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
