dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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