pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
