I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
