She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
