This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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