he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
