2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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