Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize