i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
