I've blown a few things in my day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
