once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
