I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize