we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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