dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
