She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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