So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
