If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
