Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
there is puke in my bra ... again
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