Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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