I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
