If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
