Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
