To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
