you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
