i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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