i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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