omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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