did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
