He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
