It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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