exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
