Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
