did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
