i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
