i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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