We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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