I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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