I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
