Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
