rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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