Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
