Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
