I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize