His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
