first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
