Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
