Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize