my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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