Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
