I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
