And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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